Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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