I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
