Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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