i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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