i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize