you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
