So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
