If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
