I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
