Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
