I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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