why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
