wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
