I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Randomize
