I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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