I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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