Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
