I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
