a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
