i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
