Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
