Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
