Me too!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
