it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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