I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
