dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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