it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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