I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
