I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
