I feel great
I just peed on a car
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
