I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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