OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
high people should be assigned attendants
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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