Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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