just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
