i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
