This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
