I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
