What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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