one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
