i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
