i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
