its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
