dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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