Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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