I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
