Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
