are you still at the devil's house?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize