Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
