We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
