She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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