Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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