Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
