when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I could make wine with my vomit
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
