I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
