remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
