there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
