my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
jump out the window naked night went bad
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
