I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
