My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
