Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
