I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
