Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Randomize
