I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
