Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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