Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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